the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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