you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize