Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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