So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
