Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
