I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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