Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
