It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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