1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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