She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
