They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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