I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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