I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
