butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
