Pappa wants mamma naked
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
