It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
