yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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