Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
After last night, I could never be a politician.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
