im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
