Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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