There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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