yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
