Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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