Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
