It's Friday. Sex?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
