she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
