We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
