He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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