I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
