And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
