do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
