; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
