He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
