Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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