I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
