and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
