I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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