People with herpes should wear stickers.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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