Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
