I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
