i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Someone signed my nipple.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
