you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
