Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize