WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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