Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
