Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
