I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
