Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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