I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
