i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You ruined the universe
Randomize
