my vag is so smooth its legendary
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
