he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
