the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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