It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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