I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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