Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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