i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
