hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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