I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
