it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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