hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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