So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
