my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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