I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
