i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
