okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
