Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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